Why am I posting so much? (Rowan)

*Edit: So I began writing this about a week ago, but had to stop halfway through because a couple of people got triggered and had their own mini breakdowns, and I just haven’t had a chance to get back to it until now.*

In the introductions, we made it very clear that Lucas is the host and also fronts the most. However, since then there’s been some slight changes.

I had a bit of a breakdown last Thursday about the worst part of being an alter — I don’t get my own life. I can never do anything in my name, I can never have a relationship of my own (unless you count whatever it is that’s going on with me and Kit), I can never have my own job, I can never have my own family. Everything I do is under Lucas’ name. I get no recognition, as far as the vast majority of people are concerned, I don’t even exist. It wasn’t a fun evening and it resulted in a very bad hangover on Friday.

Thursday evening is one of the few times that all bar one of us went to our rooms. I was left on the sofa alone to work things out (thanks to Elijah recognizing that I needed that) and calm down. Friday morning I was left to deal with the hangover, but Lucas and Elijah came back into the communal space so we could talk stuff out. In the end, we agreed that I would be allowed to front more often and more openly as me to try and compensate for the whole “I don’t have my own life” thing. Obviously there’s nothing much that can really be done about it, but it’s better than nothing. So that’s why I’m posting so much on this: it’s my only chance to sort of be me.

Also Anthony changed his name to Godric so we’ll be updating that in the various mentions of him